I feel like I need to explain how I got to this place in my life. This wasn’t supposed to happen to me. I wasn’t supposed to lose everything. I went by the book. I went to excelled in school, graduated college, got the job, got the stocks, but I was never felt fulfilled. I didn’t know how to pursue my dreams. I had the dreams, but had no idea of what avenue to take to get to my destination. Then, when I would sit back and ponder on it I would get depressed that I was not being creative in my jobs. I was sitting there working a 9-5 like regular people and I’m so not regular. So, I would start numbing the disappointment. Oh yea, I BEEEEN an addict since I was like 16. Almost everybody is an addict, they just can function. I was a functioning addict for about 19 years until I shot up METH (Main Entrance To Hell) and….”Houston we have a problem” that’s the only way to describe it. How did I get on meth? That’s a white people’s drug, right? Yes, there are few black people who shoot math and I did it. It all started when by best cousin/best friend/brother ended up getting sent away to do a 12 year bid. We spent every moment in life together, and all of a sudden he was gone. I took that as a lose. I didn’t know how to cope. The worst part about it is that I isolated. I became the worst friend ever. I treated it like he had passed away. I haven’t wrote, I haven’t visited, I pulled away from his family/my family. I have to make amends. Anyhow, I’ve had never dealt with loss that close. So, I spiraled. I had to numb it. The pills that I got from my boss at work wasn’t enough. The liquor wasn’t enough. The marijuana wasn’t enough. Here I was being the worst friend in the world, my buddy’s gone, I didn’t know how to handle those emotions. So, I started partying more and being promiscuous. Long story short, I was asked to go out and find some pills. Opioids/opiates fyi. I don’t really like opiates, but I was doing it for a friend. Well, I’m a little bit of a square guy, I’m not street at all. So, I went on the internet and found some random to get these pills from. Yes I really did that. Well, me and this individual started hanging out and that’s how I got introduced to meth, and the reality of harsh streets. I was all up in the trap in business casual attire and a Acura. All up in them dope houses. I hated being over there, but drug deals always take so long so I would sit there and have to wait and that’s how meth crept in. Then I finally agreed to let someone shoot me up and it was over. I knew it was sin. I told myself at that exact moment if I ever injected anybody in my life I would go to hell because it felt like sin in my body. Well, me and my dealer became good friends, I guess he was a substitute for my best friend who was locked up. He ended overdosing on me and dying while I tried to give him CPR. Talk about PTSD. Especially when I told him I was going to make him stay up all night so he won’t die on me. He had taken 100mg of methadone and xanax. I dozed off and he died. NUMB, I needed that syringe. So, let me wrap this up by saying the loss of people close to me triggered this spiral. Not making excuses, because the issues go deeper. These events were just the catalyst.
sonof.art.blog 