My new name should be Thorn. I’ve been teasing this concept on my Facebook, and I don’t know why I automatically think people know what’s going on in my head. Anyway, while I was rehabbing I wrote this piece called “Thorns” and it’s about the crown on thorns on Jesus’s head and how significant they are. Well, that has turned into the theme of my whole journey. I’ve used the thorn reference a lot in my poetry which are centered around God, because He is my recovery. This thorn of addiction is finally budding roses. I’m a little apprehensive about sharing my thoughts, but at the same time I’m sure it’ll be therapeutic since I’ll have a place to vent. A lot of things go through my mind and no one knows, and then I’ll end up doing something so off the wall and sporadically and then everybody’s looking at me like “What the hell?” For instance, I all of a sudden started posting these pictures of myself with messages like “My Secret Enemy” and “Thorns”, but only a few know that I was teasing the poems I wrote in rehab. Or, maybe no one knew because I actually wanted the photos to be their own separate work of art. Hence, I have a literary work and a visual that are two separate works of art but one at the same time. Make sense? Anyway, I’m a little excited about what’s next. I have to be creative now in this phase of life. Creative with my words, creative with my images, creative and innovative. I’m finally aligning up with God’s will, because my will leads to my final will and testimony. (I hope that didn’t go over any heads).
As far as recovery is going, I’m here for it. I have to tools. I BEEN had the tools when I graduated from the first rehab, I just kind of left God out the equation and He was like “Oh you think you can do this without me? Let’s see how that works” and nine months later I’m looking stupid in rehab number two. Good thing I was looking stupid with about 60 other addicts. I’m praying like crazy and keeping the books close. I’m attending meetings and the best thing I’m doing is writing again. I’ve had writer’s block for the past ten years. It’s my passion, and when it seems like you’ve lost your passion you, well speaking for myself, I felt like I lost my reason to be here. That in itself can lead to destructive behavior. Broken dreams and losing focus can be elements to vicious cycles. See, I never really thought about that, but now since I’m writing it comes out. Perhaps, just perhaps, or maybe intentionally because he’s INTENTIONAL right? (Sup Travis Greene) Maybe God gave me writer’s block and introduced EXPERIENCE to me so that I would have something to write about. That Jesus…he’s an amazing guy. If you don’t know Him, I’ll be glad to introduce you. Til we meet again. Signing off.
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