Today has been great. I thank God for what he does and what he’s about to do. Sometimes I wish he would hurry up, but that’s me and my impatience. I have this piece of poetry I want to put up…well, I’m going to put up and I’m worried about the reception of it. Look at me, acting like I have thousands of people reading my blog. Anyway, it’s called “Demonic.” I created the visual the other day, and it’s pretty out there. My bro told me tonight at bible study that my visuals scare him sometimes and make him worried. It’s just to grad people’s attention. The words are to keep people’s attention. It’s a method to my madness, and I kind of intrigue myself. Look at that pride. God take the pride from me. Anyway, I have my keyboard working now so I can create melodies since I want to create songs out of all this poetry. That was my intention from the beginning, but since I had no music I just created the lyrics with the poetry. Now, I’m depending on God for the melody because I don’t know the first thing about creating music. I just know if it sounds right. Feel me? I just want to have at least a sample of how each poem/song should sound so whenever I get the chance to get with some real musicians we can finish the magic. I used to tell the guys in rehab “I’ve written a whole album.” I never knew I would be really doing that. Well, I’m still worried about my buddy, but I’m not going to do that anymore. I know the power addiction can have over the people who love you. First hand experience. I was that guy a few months ago. My story is somewhat different from other addicts, but the same at the same time. I’m ready for this restoration that God is doing in my life. I just hope I don’t F it up. Well, that’s all I have for right now. I feel like I’m being very guarded in this entry though. Like I’m being sensitized. I don’t want to talk about the fact that I’m worried about making the right move and hearing from God. Does He want me to keep pursuing this writing venture 100%? What kind of job should I be looking for? How is my car going to get fixed? How can I look for a job with a broke car? How do I reinstate my insurance, and will I have to pay a fine to the state? Should I just turn my tags in and when my car is up and running redo everything? How am I supposed to find a job without a car? These are all the things going through my head. This is where faith is going to have to come in, because I can’t do all this and remain saner. It may not seem that severe to many, but it is to me and God knows what I need and want. He’s a provider. Let me learn to trust You completely. That’s all I got. Thanks for letting me share.
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