Resentment

I feel this resentment building up for some odd reason. Resentment for everyone who knows about my battle with addiction, but never reached out to me. I know it’s not even that serious, but I’m just expressing what’s going on in my head so I can get it out of my head and get over it. I shared at the meeting tonight that I feel like I never have gotten the chance to tell my side of the story. Does it really matter? After all, I painted the picture everyone has seen. No one knows that a lot of my drug and alcohol use was a reaction of my not being able to cope with life on life’s terms. I commonly validate my usage with the fact that I never really infringed on anyone else’s life. However, I have effected those who love and care about me. I created this storm. All they know is I had a problem and I was slowly killing myself and they didn’t care to see that happen. I feel like certain people gave up on me, and I wasn’t even that bad in my eyes. It’s not their fault that they didn’t know how to handle the situation. I feel like if someone I loved was battling this demon I would’ve been vocal in their life. Nevertheless, I can feel that way because I know that battle of addiction. It’s my own fault that I feel like most people abandoned me when I was suffering from life threatening sickness, dealing with losing two best friends in a short period of time, losing my grandmother, and trying to maintain these feeling and operate to some kind of capacity. It all became too much, and so the usage became too much. I can’t fault anyone for keeping their distance, because I can’t control their reaction to the situation. Just like no one could control my reaction to my life. I wonder if I can get healing through empathy? Who will empathize? Does it really matter? Who really cares? That’s all I got. Thanks for letting me share.