In a funk..

I feel like something’s missing. It might be my neglecting to write. Haven’t been on the blog much since I’ve started my new job. I can almost feel the emptiness of not doing my passion like I’m supposed to be. Consistency is key. I aim to remain consistent. So, I’ll try to do better. I haven’t made any meetings because my schedule is now hectic and I get off late, but when the dust settles and I get acclimated to this new journey I’ll make sure to reposition myself accordingly. I’m pursuing writing music still. I have two songs completed in my head and on paper. I sent my cousin who is a master musician, the melody in a wave and he’s going to produce it. I have a few vocalist to help whenever he emails it back to me so we can go into the studio record. Until then it’s like I’m on pause. I write lyrics to other songs down, but I’m anxious to see how this whole process is going to work out. It’s all God driven. He’s not in any hurry, and I’m impatient but I see his plan working out divinely. The right people are being placed in my life to work on this project, and I see the end result. I just so ready for it to happen. I guess this is a test of how steadfast I remain. Usually when I get anxious and impatient I’ll get depressed and feel like nothing in life is working for me and then BOOM relapse. See, God is good. I just figured out that equation while I’m writing. That’s why writing is therapeutic for me. I find out things about myself. Who knew that the funk that I’m in, which I titled this entry, was actually depression trying to creep in because I’m so anxious to see the finished product of this songwriting experience. Dang, that impatience can be a beast now that I look at it in depth. I’ve been a little a-hole too in my head. I’ve been harboring selfishness and being judgmental to certain situations. If I believe God has me completely, I have to live that way. No other option. When I act in such a way that does not reflect that notion, I am indulging in self and that’s not His will. I want to be in His will. I’ve got to be in His will. His will is for me to be a scribe. It’s such a relief just writing this blog right now. It’s like a reflection on the circumstances that behoove me, and I’m getting the answers that I’ve been longing for. I’m seeing why I was in a funk. I prayed that when I got this job that I would not let it take over my life, and here I was letting it do so. Not saying that I can’t handle the job, it just goes to show that going to work, coming home, eating and taking a nap and watching TV is NOT what to do. I need to go to work, come home and write, go to the gym, create new ideas, be innovative. I need to develop the projects that I began before I started back working. And just like that God has shown me the epiphany from a funk I was in when I started writing this. I wonder is this documentation of God revealing things to me seen by anyone who reads this, or does it sound like I’m rambling? Whatever. As long as I got what I need. No, I shouldn’t say that. This blog is for others. Not me. I don’t know how my thoughts and words my impact someone, but great if it does. I’m just trying to be transparent. That’s all I got. Thanks for letting me share.